


War Crimes

by demondean



Series: SPN Season 15 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Episode: s15e01 Back and to the Future, First Kiss, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester is So Done, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, spn 15x01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 06:35:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demondean/pseuds/demondean
Summary: "You okay?""Yes, but-""Good."Castiel has had enough of Dean's shit.What better time to pick a fight than the end of the world?





	War Crimes

**Author's Note:**

> hello loves!
> 
> i'm sorry i haven't been very active - college applications will be the death of me, i think. i have not given up on COLLIDE, but i want to get a bit farther in that story before i start to update that again.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts, violence
> 
> stay safe, and always keep fighting!!

Castiel looked like Dean’s words had physically slapped him in the face.

_“You okay?”_

_“Yes, but—”_

_“Good.”_

And then the hunter had walked away. As if Castiel’s feelings didn’t matter. As if his own feelings for Castiel didn’t matter.

Fuck that.

Castiel stalked after Dean, all the anger and frustration and grief finally taking hold of the angel, and he closes his hand around Dean’s wrist, abruptly stopping the man’s getaway.

Dean spun on his heel, his arm still in Castiel’s grip, and all but snarled at the angel. Before Dean could get a word in edgewise, Castiel’s fist had connected with Dean’s face. Castiel tightened his grip on Dean’s arm to the point of being painful when Dean shouted, “What the fuck?”

“What have I done that is making you so upset all the time?” Castiel growled right back. “I cannot figure out why you are so angry with me.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed, and he petulantly tried to pull his arm out of Castiel’s hand, which Castiel let him do. When Dean scoffed and made to turn around and leave again, Castiel reached for Dean’s arm again, but instead grasped his hand. Dean looked down surprised, as if he was just as shocked as Castiel that he didn’t immediately pull away.

“Dean,” Castiel said his name like a plea, and suddenly the fight in Dean drained away, leaving a numb… nothingness behind.

“Cas, I…” Dean began but couldn’t continue.

“Dean, I don’t want you to… hurt yourself. I’m scared for you. I never know anymore when you’ll lash out or withdraw and cause pain to yourself. I just… I’m worried, and I don’t know what to do anymore now that our son is dead and his corpse is just walking around, and it’s like you don’t even care about the pain around and within you,” Castiel said, getting more emotional as he went on.

Dean stares at the ground but mutters, “Well, you shouldn’t be worried. I’m fine.”

Dean turns away, and Castiel pulls him back, all the way until Dean’s chest is flush with his own.

“No. You will not run away from me, ever again,” Castiel says with a fire in his eyes and kisses Dean.

At first, Dean’s not sure what to do. He could always just shove Cas away, yelling “What the fuck?” again and tear down this last fragile piece of their suffering and deteriorating relationship. He could deny any and all feelings he has for the angel. He could follow every order ingrained in him since being a child, that “homosexuality will get you a free trip downstairs” and “men should never show weakness.”

But he doesn’t.

Instead, Dean tenderly kisses Cas back; afraid of doing something wrong, even though he’s kissed plenty of people; afraid of scaring Cas off, because everyone knows how fucked up Dean is; afraid of whatever feeling is moving from his heart all the way down to his toes and all the way to his head where he feels dizzy with the feeling.

Dean is so, so fearful, and it’s what causes him to jump back as if he’s been burned after what must be the best kiss he’s ever had. He has tears in his eyes, so he looks at the ground so that Cas can’t see him, even though Cas is the _only person_ who has ever been able to see right through his bullshit exterior.

“Cas, I can’t. I can’t do this. I don’t…” Dean says, and great, now he’s full on crying. He needs to get out of here _right now._

Of course, Sam chooses that moment to walk back over. Dean knows an out when he sees it, so he almost throws the Impala’s keys at Sam, saying, “I’ll meet you at the bunker.” Sam can’t even think through his shock fast enough to reply because suddenly, Dean’s gone, and Sam is left with a brokenhearted Castiel and a quietly chuckling Belphegor.

“I have no fucking idea what the hell that was all about, so someone better explain what the fuck is happening right now,” Sam says. In response, Castiel goes around the car and sits shotgun, and Belphegor shrugs and gets in the car behind Castiel. Sam fights the urge to scream at the angel and his stupid brother, and they drive away.

~~~

Dean’s not really sure how long it takes for him to stop dry heaving in the woods, but he knows it’s been a while if the multiple calls and texts tell him anything. He leans back against a tree, catching his breath. He doesn’t know how he’s still crying but he knows he needs to face this at some point. 

And how will he face it? He knows that he and Cas have had this… thing for years, and now that Cas has acted on it, it doesn’t even feel real. He knows his feelings, knows that it would be okay to accept them, but he’s so damn scared that he doesn’t know what to do.

He walks back towards the school and snags a car to drive back with.

As the hunter drives to the bunker, he realizes how dumb it was to go by himself, if the flying spirits and thousands of ghosts are anything to go by. Somehow, he makes it all the way back to the bunker before they attack, throwing the man out of the car and onto the asphalt. Dean struggles to move or do anything, but suddenly his eyes are bleeding and some asshat ghost is choking him with his axe while several others are trying to pull his limbs from his body, leaving scratches and gashes and broken bones in their wake. One tries to break his fingers while the clown leaves a deep wound on Dean’s abdomen, and another laughs as it slams its foot on Dean’s shoulder, effectively dislocating it and possibly shattering the bone. As Dean drifts towards darkness and the pain turns to numbness, he sees flannel and a trenchcoat and everything is black.

~~~

Dean wakes up feeling safe and warm. Everything hurts, of course, but he doesn’t feel the worst of his injuries anymore. He sweetly thinks that he’ll thank Cas as soon as he gets up.

Suddenly, he feels cold and he shoots straight up, his eyes snapping open at the thought of the angel. He groans when the action pulls on his worst injuries that Cas couldn’t heal (or didn’t want to heal, and Dean couldn’t blame him for that), but tries to get out of bed. He gets on his feet for all of one second before his legs give out, but out of nowhere Cas is there to catch him, easing him onto his bed. They both don’t say anything, and Dean avoids eye contact completely. Once Dean is lying back down, Castiel lingers by his bed for a moment before heading to the door.

“Wait,” Dean whispers. Castiel hesitates by the door and turns around, watching Dean with a pained gaze. 

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean admits. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do. My mom’s dead, and so is Jack, and...”

Castiel shrugs, an emotionless mask slipping onto his face. “It doesn’t matter, Dean. I will be fine. You’ve made it clear that you are not interested, so I will not bother you any longer. Maybe when all of this is over, I will actually be dead to you.”

Dean makes a pained noise in the back of his throat. “Cas…”

“No, Dean. If all I am to you is a useful tool, then I will not hesitate to leave after this is done. I have always fought for a place by your side, but if you truly believe that I am not worthy of that, then I will gladly fight with you, but I will no longer fight for you.”

“Cas, please…” Dean pleads, but the angel has already walked out the door.

~~~

When Dean turns suicidal, it’s one hell of a job trying to keep him alive.

He doesn’t eat anymore, doesn’t drink, doesn’t sleep, doesn’t leave his room. At first, Sam thought he didn’t see Dean because the injured hunter was resting from his encounter outside of the bunker, or that he was just trying to avoid the angel, who now walked the halls of the bunker as if he were a ghost.

He changed his mind when he found Dean in his room with a gun in his mouth and tears streaming down his face.

“Dean?”

“Let me go, Sammy. Please. There’s nothing here for me,” Dean begs incoherently between sobs, watching Sam pull the gun away from Dean because Dean has no strength to fight anymore. Sam holds Dean close as he cries into his chest, weakly hitting his shoulder because he can’t do this, he can’t be weak in front of his little brother.

“Dean,” Sam says after Dean has calmed down, only sniffling once in a while. “You need to talk to Cas.”

“No,” Dean protests but Sam shakes his head.

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but it can’t go on this way. Both of you are miserable, and I need you to figure it out.”

“He’d be better off without me,” Dean mumbles.

Sam squeezes Dean tighter, shaking his head again. “I don’t think so, Dean. Just talk to him.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Actually, um, may I… may I speak with you?” Castiel asks quietly from the doorway, and Dean can’t look at him.

“Dean, I didn’t… I never meant for this to happen. I love you,” Cas says, and with those last three words, he smiles wide even with tears in his eyes. “I love you so fucking much, and I can’t imagine life without you.”

Dean finally looks up at Cas, who strode forward and knelt in front of Dean. He looks back down, curling in on himself as soon as he sees all the love and sincerity in the angel’s eyes.

“Cas, I don’t deserve that,” Dean says. “I don’t… you’re an angel, and I’m just some fucked up human, okay? You can’t… you can’t love me.”

Sam looks at Castiel and slowly moves away from Dean, stepping out of the room when neither his best friend nor his brother notice him, too lost in each other to focus on anything else.

“Too bad,” Castiel says with another small smile, and he kisses Dean again, this time with the man kissing the angel back just as fiercely.

It wouldn’t be easy, saving the world from its very creator, but then again, with the angel who had always been devoted to the Righteous Man, the brother who had never believed he was worthy of being saved, and the brother who had always fought for justice, all fighting for their free will and the lives they created for themselves, who could say that God even stood a chance?

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are super appreciated!


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